i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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