my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
