the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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