Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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