Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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