I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
