i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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