i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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