My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize