how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
