if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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