Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
