Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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