i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
