I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
handjob tips. give me some.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize