News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
