I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
