Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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