There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
