So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The air was thick with penises
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
