Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize