so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize