the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
