I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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