yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
