Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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