is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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