You just made me feel so damn special
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
