Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
