So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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