Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
