...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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