I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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