oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How naked do you want me to be?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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