the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
