i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
