he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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