I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
