Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
