How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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