I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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