Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
