i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
