Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
