apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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