...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize