if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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