Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
