i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
