I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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