so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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