It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You work out of a Hotel?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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