sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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