god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
