I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
please don't ironically join a cult
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