Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
