Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
