OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize