ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
