I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
