When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
