Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
