What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
not ubering you a puppy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
