The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
