guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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